Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
When are your genitals available?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
