After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
