she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
