I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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