Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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