based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
