in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
