You don't have asthma, your pregnant
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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