it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is my gift to your gina
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
