I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
