Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
