Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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