my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
