This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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