absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I party with great urgency now.
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