my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
