Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
