So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Shitshow foam night was such a success
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
