I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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