How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
