tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
pray to the hookup gods
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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