Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
