her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm having to shit out rocks
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
