i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Enjoy the penises
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
