Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Still dying that you shit outside
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
