thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
