honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize