I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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