I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
