Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.

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(585): View more from New York

you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.

Fav 6 2082 3821
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(503): View more from Oregon

I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..

Fav 12 1448 4017
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(973): View more from New Jersey

Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy

Fav 5 3030 1319
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(623): View more from Arizona

Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.

Fav 10 1122 859
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(347): View more from New York

maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life

Fav 4 759 1307
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(504): View more from Louisiana

Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?

Fav 4 673 1012
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(919): View more from North Carolina

i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions

Fav 2 757 340
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(319): View more from Iowa

Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?

Fav 0 5 51
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