I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
