I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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