I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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