i think i have herpe
just one?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
