Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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