I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
