Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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