I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were trust falling into bushes
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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