Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
