He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
