Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
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Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
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let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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