My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
