CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
