I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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