There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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