This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Randomize
