I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
