The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
