I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
