Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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