My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
