Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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