I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That accounts for only three of the penises
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
