I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
too bad you live with your parents still
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
