ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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