who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
my poor anus
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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