Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
