how can u be prego again
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
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No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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