So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
