Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
