I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
