So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
