I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
