People in love make me want to vomit
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
