Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
