have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
