I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
