I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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