Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize