i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
